So hard on myself...

There are so many days that I am so content with who I am...with who I've become...not by my own strength...but through God and through the circumstances I have gone through in my life. I look back and I know that I'm stronger because A, B, and C all happened-even though they were so hard at the time! I know that trials help develop perserverance and I really do appreciate them eventually.

But there are so many times that I just can't be happy with what I've accomplished. And this weekend is one of those times. As of a year ago, I couldn't run a 1/2 mile without literally feeling like I was going to die. That was about 7 minutes of running. I couldn't do it. I remember going to the gym and "working up" to running a mile...it was awesome. So fast foward a year...I have run an 8K (4.97 miles) in 30 degree weather and snowing...and just yesterday I ran a 10K (6.2 miles) in 80+ weather, 80% humidity. I finished...and I'm not dead right now! :) My neck hurts (I pulled something somehow) and my ankle hurts (there were CRAZY steep hills) but I did it!

But, am I really proud of myself? No, not really. Because I ran much slower than I wanted to, I finished about 10 minutes longer than I was hoping for, and because I was 5th from last. Why am I so down on myself? Why can't I be happy about this accomplishment? It's huge. I'm so much stronger, I'm thinner (15 lbs since last year!), and I took on something that has always been my nemisis--AND I DID IT. But, as I bawled in Dan's arms last night I realized that this is me. I've always been a perfectionist. When I used to score 100s at All County/State tryouts I would cry over stuff I could have done better. It would push me, it would teach me, and I realized...that's just who I am.

Me and Luci-pre race

Me & luci coming to the end...Luci for the 2nd time

Me after its over...I'm drenched!

Once in a lifetime, I hope...

Today Dan and I went to a funeral service for a 3 day old baby. I can only hope and pray that I will never have to do that again...

I know that Caroline Elizabeth is in the Father's hands and that she is feeling no pain. That is the hope that her parents and family can hold on to during this horrible time.

To those of you who have prayed for her and her parents, I thank you for your faithfulness. P & L are going to need your prayers more than ever right now as they deal with the questions and emotion that comes along with this kind of sorrow. When I saw them today, they just looked worn and numb. I pray that we will be shown how to show mercy, compassion, and love to this family.

Jesus please begin to mend their hearts and souls....and take care of Caroline Elizabeth-their special angel.

His will

So, today one of our beloved teachers was honored for her service in our district. She is the chorus teacher at one of the schools that I teach at. She has become a dear friend to me and I have been honored to teach with her for the past 2 years. She told the story of how she got into teaching and how she ended up in Fort Mill. She also told us how she knew it was time to retire. Although the circumstances changed and situations were different-there was one constant-God and following His will for her life.

She can be happy knowing that it is her time to leave teaching because she knows without a doubt that it is God's will for her to retire this year. She knows that He has big plans for her during this new chapter of her life and she can rest in the knowledge that He is walking before her and making a path for her to follow. He has never let her down-and I know that He never will.

I hope and pray that when it is my time to leave this profession-whether its 30 years from now, 5 years from now, or 50 years from now, I pray that I will have that same peace and clear understanding of His will in my life.

May I live a life of faith that I don't miss His voice in my life-whether its about retiring, family, friends, career, children, whatever may come my way....

Welcome to blogging Diana! :)

OK, well, here I am trying out this blogging stuff. I'm entering a time that is going to be really stressful for me and I remember that last year it was just nice to write out some of my frustrations. So, where else would I write? Of course, the internet! LOL.

Anyways, I'm already stressed over school. I'm terrified that I'm not going to get everything done and that I'm not going to do a good job on my projects. Which is pointless that I'm worrying about it because I'm procrastinating so much right now. I could just DO the work instead of blogging about it. But that would make too much sense.

I know that I'll be fine and I'm trying to really not worry about it--I don't want to waste my life worrying about the future (or the past for that matter!) but I am slightly anxious! I don't want to leave Dan for so long-I know that I have to and I know that we'll be fine-but it just sucks. I love him so much and I love being with him and I just miss him so much when I'm gone. Just the little things like him kissing me goodbye in the morning, or him rubbing my feet when we are watching TV, or just seeing his smiling face. He is amazing. I am so blessed.

Alright, enough of this for now...maybe I'll go do some work on these projects! :) Lovings!